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Brick Thrower

by Failed Astronauts

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1.
Nights like these I always forget everything. what was your name again? Hello nice to meet you I'm the astronaut named Ben, Sorry I introduced myself again. It's just nights like these I always tend to forget, what am I doing? Who drove me here? Who was that? Why? A few more drinks just a few more drinks, A few more drinks just a few. This party's died down, it's the same poeple again. Hey its nice to see you friend what have you been doing, and where have you been? Then I noticed her, from the side of the room. This story doesnt end quite like you think, no this story doesnt end quite like you think. She gracefully passes across the room, laying her hands on shoulders, she says hello, a lovely yellow dress with a matching phone. Not a beer in her hand, not wine, but whiskey, jameson on the rocks is this girls drink. This girl she could be perfect for me, but they all so NO! shes bag of cats crazy. But then again, I'm dumb as a box of rocks. Well I tried I tried and I tried, they were futile efforts. Well I tried I tried I wont lie, it wasnt worth the effort. It just came down to a confilct of belief. She said medicine wont raise the dead, and I said magic is a myth. Medicine wont raise the dead, and magic is a myth. (Its a bag of cats versus a box of rocks.)
2.
terry bozos big night out 12am with my best friends, trying to forget again, but it wont help, it wont help, it wont help. I think I'm gonna be sick. Matt's greeting me at the door, he's got a beer in his hand, and a joint in the other. (Hey what's up brother?) How you doin wont you come inside? Have a seat my friend. Everyone, this is Ben. I gave a wave and searched for someone I knew, Jim's pouring shots, I should have known, trouble we're getting into, all because I miss you, guess it's not the issue, guess its not the point. But what the point, of pretending I'm ok, when I'm so clearly not ok? just avoiding the issue, of how much I miss you, or at least, who I used to be. I can't fall asleep, because I dont want to dream, about you, without you. Rick showed up after a little while, and it's a good thing too, because I was just thinking, of my stategy to leave, and go home. I stayed and talked for a little while, forced out a smiled to help myself, get through these mundane conversations, and keep my mind off the situation. but whats the point, of pretending we're ok, when we're so clearly not ok? 4am alone again, everyones gone to bed, and I'm still up eyes glued to a tv screen. I wonder if you're doing the same thing. 4am alone again, everyones gone to bed, and I'm still up eyes glued to a tv screen. I wonder if you're doing the same thing. I can't fall asleep, because I dont want to dream, about you, without you.
3.
headbutt the median I had that dream again last night, that my car had trouble stopping, and I crashed my car head on into myself. With all these dreams, I'm not sure what they mean, or if they even mean anything to me, but honestly I've never been one to believe, in much of anything. And I keep slipping, and I cant stop it. I'm crashing headfirst, into traffic. And I keep slipping, and I cant stop this mess. What an awful sight to see, the sight of me crashing into me, lying on the ground, watching as the snow falls down. What a beautiful thing I see, the sky as I am falling, lying on the ground, watching as the snow falls down. And I keep slipping, and I cant stop it. I'm crashing headfirst, into traffic. And I keep slipping, and I cant stop this mess. (With all these dreams, I'm not sure what they mean, or if they even mean anything to me, but honestly I've never been one to believe, in much of anything.) What a beautiful thing I see, the sky as I'm falling, hitting the ground, watching the snow as it falls down.
4.
Caveat 03:05
It's becoming a nightly thing, if only to avoid my dreams. The ones where you haunt me, ever vigilant, keeping me from sleep. For I'm afraid of the things I see, where I'll end up or who I'll be. I thought I saw through the crack in the door, I called your name as you disappeared. I ran but I slipped through the cracks in the floor, I called your name as I awoke screaming. 12 bottles and a pack of smokes, a pot of coffee, a cold shower, if only to avoid my dreams, they're creeping up on me, my eyelides are heavy, and my head weighs a ton. Closed eyes reveal the truth, ever vigilant, keeping me from sleep. I awoke floating in the wake, an ocean of my own mistakes, and when I close my eyes I only see your face. haunting me, as I sleep, leave me be, can't you see, I'm getting better. And I thought I saw you, watching me sleep, you whispered my name, I woke up screaming. And I know I saw you, watching me sleep, you whispered my name, I woke up screaming. And I thought I saw you, watching me sleep, you whispered my name, I woke up screaming. And I know I saw you, watching me sleep, you whispered my name, you're alwaysd in my dreams. Ever vigilant, keep me from sleep. Ever vigilant, keep me from sleep. Keep me from sleep. Keep me from sleep.
5.
Golden statue of my goddess, sits on her pedastal so high. Everything I do for I do for you, I'm not too sure why. For all the work that I put in, I've never gotten anything back. Golden statue of my goddess, falls of her pedastal now smashed. I never should have said that I was in love, I never should have fucking said anything. I never should have said that I was in love, I never should have fucking said anything. I've wasted long enough, standing in a foot of snow, waiting on you to acknowledge me, or anything I've done for you. I quit my job of coming over, every time youre far from sober, to tuck you in and fall asleep on your couch. I never should have said that I was in love, I never should have fucking sad anything. I never should have said that I was in love, I never should have fucking sad anything. I wish that I could take back, all this wasted time, all this wasted effort. I've wasted too long, inching closer on the couch, pounding down some beers that will soon lead, to lonely making out. Whats the point, when the next day, you cant even look me in the eye, what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I never should have said that I was in love, I never should have fucking sad anything. I never should have said that I was in love, I never should have fucking sad anything. I wish that I could take back, all this wasted time, all this wasted effort.
6.
Hold out things are changing all the time, maybe not for the better but still change. Stalled out, time is moving but I'm not, I dont want to wake up when it's too late. I'll keep burning like a star, counting down the time, until gravity makes me implode. Nothing lasts forever, we all extinguish in the end, I'm just hoping I last longer than the rest. Fall apart and pick myself up off the ground, I'm just afraid that I cant this time. The walls are closing in, my breath is getting thin. I dont think I'll be coming back this time. I'm just going through the motions but I'm barely making that, I'm afraid that I've already missed out. I'm just losing my momentum, I need something to get me going to keep me moving. I'm just going through the motions but I'm barely making that, I'm afraid that I've already missed out. I'm just losing my momentum, I need something to get me going to keep me moving on. Hold out things are changing all the time, maybe not for the better but still change. Stalled out, time is moving but I'm not, I dont want to wake up when it's too late.
7.
Just a little longer for me to wait. Just a little longer until everything breaks. Just a little longer for me to wait. Can you feel the pressure, slowly crushing you? The last six months were hell, and thats not going to change soon. Another sleepless night, spent watching the ceiling fan while you're drunk, helps you forget, why she left you, standed lonley, waiting for someone to gve you a hand. When you hit rock bottom I'll be there, to drop down the ladder, because you did the same for me. When you're drowning I'll throw you the rope, because you did the same for me. Your mess is a tradgedy, but its never too much for me. Write me a novel of everything you said, write me a novel of how you feel dead. You dont have to collect yourself, nobodys watching. You dont have to collect yourself, nobodys watching. You can take down your walls, it's only me. I'll never let you sink alone, we're both going down with this ship. Just a little longer for me to wait. Just a little longer until everything breaks. You can take down your walls, it's only me. And I'll never let you sink alone, we're both going down with this ship. When you hit rock bottom I'll be there, to drop down the ladder, because you did the same for me. When you're drowning I'll throw you the rope, because you did the same for me.
8.
My body is a temple, I guess more like a house, with all the windows smashed out. With the bricks I've thrown, I've built my home, these walls will never fall. A monument to my failure. The sun shines through this broken glass, scattered bricks with notes attatched. They say the things better left unsaid, from all the times when I felt dead. Why can't I stop destroying myself? The way I speak to me, will always cease to be, peaceful. I don't deserve to breathe, in light of everything. In the darkness I can see, I've become a beast. I ruin everything. I've become a beast. I ruin everything. I ruin everything. (I want to rip the sun from the sky. I want to make the earth want to die. I want the world to burn. I want to feel the flames inside my lungs.) My body is a temple, I guess more like a house, with all the windows smashed out. With the bricks I've thrown, I've built my home, these walls will never fall. A monument to my failure. The sun shines through this broken glass, scattered bricks with notes attatched. They say the things better left unsaid, from all the times when I felt dead. Why can't I stop destroying myself? I found the courage inside, to make the change in my life. To pick up the pieces, and do what is needed. My mistakes have made me, into the person I want to be, strong enough to survive, anything in my life. I found love, I found hope, I found a better way to cope. I found a way to overcome everything that I've done. (These bricks I've thrown, I've built my home. A place that I can call my own. Somewhere where I feel safe. I'm finally proud of this place. These bricks I've thrown, I've built my home. A place that I can call my own. Somewhere where I feel safe. I'm finally proud of this place.)

credits

released February 21, 2018

All songs written and performed by Failed Astronauts. Mixed and mastered by Alex Owens. Guest Vocals on "Headbutt the Median" by Eric Vaught of "Posture". Guest vocals on "Late Night Dive" by Kris Ward of "Sports." Guest vocals on "A Little Longer" by Rochelle Reamy. Guest Vocals on "Brick Thrower" by Eddie Gancos of "City Cop" and "Alomar", and by Ryan Pote of "Monswoon". Special thanks to my wife Lauren and my daughter Iris for being so supportive. A very special thanks to Michael Beers, Scott Kleinberg, Nathan Bauman, Nathan Rogers, Mike Lowden, Brian Dotin, Drew Namoski, Bill Geisinger and Alex Owens for being a part of Failed Astronauts at some point up until now. Last, thanks to anyone who enjoys listening to us. We hope we can bring you much more music in the future.

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Failed Astronauts Akron, Ohio

Just four dudes bro-ing out and playin some pop punk jams.

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